January 29, 1993

216 hours. 29 minutes. U should know what that means. The big news, I suppose, is the report cards, accompanied by our CLASS RANKING out of 416 students¹. #1: Cyndi J0hnson. No surprise there. #2: Kristy Rav3n #3: Sh@nna Pr@naitis #4: Chris Kal3y/Adam Gyn@c/Stacie Fr33man I don't know who's 7 and 8, but Ryan is #9 and Allison H0ffert and I are tied for #10. Yay! Other noteworthy rankings: Chris T0desc0 #35 Becky R0senmay3r - also #35. What a coincidence, don't U think?². Becky won't comment on the fact that Bill Clinton is in the 217th hour of the Presidency, but who cares? Jason J0rdan #45. He sed that he's probably the lowest honors student, but that was before I mentioned that Steve is #200-something (?!) -- Hey, we're playing Jeopardy!³. -- I'm gone -- JMC 11:43

That was fun and/or exciting. We lost, but the Alex Trebek-type person screwed up the scores so I don't know what the scores were really. Back to rankings. Well, actually, there's only one other person I know and that would be Mike W0nderlin⁴ at #397. I must to the lunch line now for I must eat my lunch⁵.
--JMC 11:54 am

1 It embarrasses me to think how invested I was in class rankings, a not entirely healthy mixture of curiosity and competitiveness.

2 Since they were dating at the time.

3 I think some kind of peer-leader group came into homeroom and conducted a quiz. I'm not sure why.

4 This scrawny rat-looking motherfucker who made fun of me in gym and health class. I wasn't really teased all that much in high school, but Mike got in his share of "get a girl you fag" remarks and insinuations, via a K-Y jelly joke, that Ryan and I were gay. It didn't last past freshman year, though.

5 Odd syntax deliberate, borrowed from a line in A Midsummer Night's Dream.