January 24, 1994

Now, an ordinary citizen might think to him/herself: Well, I guess second semester has started and our little friends at Bolingbrook High School whom we are quite fonding of reading about are on a brand-spanking-new schedule. Not so fast, Pedro!¹ Actually, Mrs Weg3rich² is crocheting in the corner of the auditorium as we sit here in 4th Period Study Hall, part of our FINALS "WEEK" schedule, seeing as school was cancelled on Jan 18-19 due to extreme weather/temperature conditions (How does 25° below sound?)³. So now I'm writing notes to Winter H@rt & Regan Bi3lby, becuz for some reason Stacie & Katy want to make me paranoid. I don't know why; maybe becuz ... well, I don't know. Notes fascinate me. I'd like to take them all & type them all up and publish them as correspondences. Stacie's now passing around notes I've written to her. Some strange kid is asking me who I am. Apparently he knows Stacie, though, so it's like one of those instances when I want to say, "Hey, she's my girlfriend," but I can't really, due to the circumstances. Katy has just been sent down to the end of the row for talking (?!) Maybe I should study biology. But I heard (from Shanna & Katy) that it wasn't that hard. Shanna's birthday, by the way, is April 8. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Umm ... which reminds me ... Ryan & I have been talking lately about ... well, let's just say the problems of a long-term relationship (we're talking 3 mos. on Saturday for me; Ryan & Shanna are about 2 mos and a week). Becuz U know there comes a time when you're not thinking about your girlfriend all the time.

And really, what is love? I'm not saying I'm going to be doing anything drastic; I still love (?) Stacie. I mean, I guess I love her. Okay, yes I do. But do I know the true meaning of love? It is the best relationship I've ever had, and no one else, I think could replace her and still have the same loving relationship that we have, but... I guess what I'm getting at is... They say it's better to love than to "LUV" (infatuation), but with infatuation, there's that MAGIC SPARK. At least for me it seems that way. But then it goes back to the fact that maybe I haven't experienced true love⁴. Katie 5zum⁵. Ryan claims that (from personal experience and otherwise) she's real easy to get hooked on. She was the 3rd person I was thinking of when I wrote "Sweet,"⁶ and I think I'm developing a Danielle/Shanna infatuation for her. Notice how all of them have come at the beginning of the year. And I guess Wendie⁷, too, would fall into that batch. Ryan says he's having the same problem, but to me it seems like he probably loves Shanna more than I love Stacie ... (?) ... and I kinda feel jealous, maybe becuz I coulda been going out w/ her, too. I mean, I was first⁸. His problems are w/ Jamie Z!te, who constantly flirts w/ him in chemistry. Mine are w/ Katie. We hope they'll be worked out.
--JMC 11:54 am


1 This sentence strikes me as possibly influenced by Dave Letterman.

2 Somewhat dotty older woman officially employed in the foreign language department (she spoke German) but not a teacher; her actual position was always uncertain.

3 During the two days off, my family and I braved the cold to see Schindler's List, but otherwise I tiptoed around the men installing a new staircase banister in our house and pretty much just played computer games all day.

4 At this point I can say with certainty that I've been in love, and yet that whole "magic spark" problem is still something I grapple with. Odd, though: I thought that I'd first theorized about it when I was 19, not 14.

5 A short, perky brown-haired soccer-playin' kinda gal: more here.

6 A poem I wrote that ended up being published in the Phoenix, the school literary magazine:


sweet
darkhaired mystique
is what it is
curiosity of green boots &
white t-shirts
simplicity &
a short pure kiss
with pianos and
such is what
is incredibly attractive
to me


7 Wendie was a girl I met at Illinois Summer School for the Arts in 1993 and became borderline-creepily obsessed with. You can expect more of that story come July sometime.

8 I dated Shanna for all of a day the previous spring; the possibility of the relationship had been slowly building for weeks, and then she broke up with me suddenly with barely any explanation. Again, more on that soon.