February 11, 1996

I was going to start off this entry by saying (yeah -- I had it all planned out; in fact, I had this very sentence planned out, too, while brushing my teeth just now): "Well, what the fuck. Another week, another party." And then I began to look at it from another angle, a new perspective, if you will, because now maybe this is my calling. Maybe instead of coming down on myself for seemingly only writing after parties or other "social outings" I should exploit my knack for good post-party journalism. I should report on parties for the Raider Review¹, goddammit. I should be like that guy who was on when Fox-32 News was trying to be ultra-hip (über-hip??) who went to parties so "you don't have to." Well, anyhow, tonight's party (sorry, just spent the last 15 mins. watching music videos in JBTV² ... back now, though) was for Alexia's 18th birthday, and it only reinforces my theory that more people are having fiestas this year because we're all seniors. Like, I think Jesaida's having one next Friday (oh, and by the way, I think I've all but completely doubted the whole September thing w/ Ryan³ -- like I said 2 wks ago -- cuz I told more people & they just laughed & pretty much said "Yeah right!") But of course it was a much different mix of people. Some sample names: Sean Mulv!hill, Ronnie & Dan Gr@nt, Jase & Zippy (I can't even bring myself to call her "Mandy"; it's so unnatural, like it would be another person), some All-State joker⁴ named Justin, Ryan (who left for about an hour and a half & then came back with his hair out of place -- and gossip, of course, flowed freely, conjecture about who he was out fucking or whatever), Adam, Stacie, Krista Pet3r (came late), and then Monica K0enig & Maryanne Mall0n. I mention them last if not only because they were the most out-of-place people in attendance (not really so much, not Monica at least, especially since we think that she & J Cudeb3c should hook up -- and have thought that ever since Duke
⁵ took us to the Country House on Oct. 26, 1995 after the NHS Convention; Maryanne maybe cuz for much of the evening, she was kinda quiet) but also because they meant the most to me in terms of what lingers afterwards. It turned out that the two of them, Adam & me, & Alexia, of course, were the only ones remaining during the last (first hours of Sunday) hour, and so the conversation is much more meaningful, significant. You have conversations, actually, and don't just shout things across the room, hoping, in vain, for someone you admire/are intimidate by/enjoy their company/etc. to hear you & reply with a laugh, or at least a knowing smile. And you always know what everyone's talking about, even if it's not as delving-deep as Cyndi's party. Even if it's just about Mr Bu55 or something. Anyway, since I've been attracted to both of the named girls at some point or another in the past year(s), it was very pleasurable, indeed, to converse with them, the two blondes (although vastly different, too, I might add -- appearance-wise, that is) ... Hominah, hominah, hominah (excuse me if this is spelled wrong -- not sure there is an authorized standard, though) -- Yeah, whatever. I don't know what I'm feeling at all. I'm thinking of them, trying to feel something, even just a satisfaction at having mentioned them, and then onto a new topic like my killer test week this past week or how I want to see a movie this weekend or being at Stacie's last night or Jesus, I don't know, some philosophical, agnostic ranting with some mention of the Unitarian Church or the book we've been reading for English, Hesse's Siddhartha ... or something about the newspaper or what I do in gym these days or how NHS is going or how Stace wishes Zippy would just leave since she's pretty protective (possessive?) of Jase herself. No, but before, what I was thinkig of was Monica's orange-ish hair hues or Maryanne's "butter on a baked potato" aura & ubiquitous black eyeliner. Monica's lioness appearance/resemblance & Maryanne's soccer-playing ponytailed girlishness. Monica's loquaciousness, and ... oh whatever Mr Strl3 called her, "vivacious" maybe. Oh, and Ronnie was wearing her "Rita" glasses⁶ tonight, too. As my good pal Jason Cudeb3c would say, "Very nice."
-JMC 2:18 am

But oh how that lacked finality. Maybe I should B.S. an entire page to waste paper & look like I'm getting somewhere in this journal -- nah. But it was a pretty good party overall, that I should say. That's what I needed to reiterate. And I think now, only now, shall I be able to go. Just thinking again: one of the best x-mas presents I received: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement (or do we put album titles in quotes?) -- funny thing was, it was from Chris who just up & bought it for me, then laid it to sit on the car seat when we went to see Mighty Aphrodite at that crap theatre in Glen Ellyn. But man, that's been getting quite a few spins on my CD player. I should really be looking into working at Record Swap⁷ this summer. You know it'd be better than the Brothers (CBS)⁸ -- a lot more fun, at least. But fuck it, I don't wanna think about it. (although I do need the dough). But then I said, or implied, I wouldn't ramble, based on my sarcasm and use of the word "nah" -- and now I'm just contradicting myself.
-JMC 2:30 AM

1 The high-school newspaper, of which I was co-editor during my senior year.

2 JBTV, which I'm surprised still exists, is an "alternative" music-video program airing on a local UHF station and hosted by Jerry Bryant, this dorky guy with long, stringy gray hair and beard. Since I didn't have cable, it was one of the only places where I could see videos, and their "alternative" bent meant they played some songs that I couldn't even hear on the local alt-rock station. (Of course, this didn't signify "indie rock," exactly: videos I disinctly remember waching include Smashing Pumpkins, Stabbing Westward, Catherine Wheek, and Gigolo Aunts. Sort of a video equivalent of Alternative Press, now that I think about it.

3 I think this maybe refers to speculation that Ryan and Jes@ida had consummated their relationship?

4 An actor in the All-State play, featuring talent from high schools across Illinois and performed, after months of weekend rehearsals, as the culmination of the Illinois High School Theatre Festival. The play that year was Man of La Mancha; both Alexia and Ryan participated.

5 "Duke" was the nickname of William Dutki3wicz, a guidance counselor and National Honor Society (NHS) sponsor, who I came to know through my duties as NHS secretary. He was among the friendliest faculty or staff members I knew in high school, and he took a great interest in his students' lives (some claimed that his interest in female students was perhaps untoward, but I never personally observed this). On at least one occasion I asked permission to leave a class where we weren't doing anything (e.g., on the day before winter break) so I could hang out in his office. He also offered to take several of my friends and me to see Mandy Patinkin live -- or maybe it was Crazy for You?

6 Cat's-eye-ish glasses that, for whatever reason, made Ronnie look like her name should be "Rita." (I mean, I'd conjecture that the glasses gave her an air reminiscent of an old Hollywood actress like Rita Hayworth, except I've never seen a Rita Hayworth movie and don't even think that she wore glasses.

⁷ Now-defunct Naperville record store where my friends Chris, Becky, and Marie all worked at various times and thus where I sometimes hung out. Probably the first "cool" record shop I'd been to, with stacks of old marked-down vinyl in the corner and CD rack dividers with band logos meticulously replicated in Magic Marker. I bought a Pavement t-shirt there, and Glenn Branca, Rachel's, and Chavez CDs (among others I can't recall).

⁸ Christian Brothers Services was the insurance company for which I file-clerked the previous summer.